Thirty-first Post From Türkiye: Moscow Part I

Hey, this is Jack again. I don’t remember when my fascination with the Soviet Union/Russia began. It was probably around 1984, when I watched Red Dawn at Scott Brown’s. For years, visiting Russia has been my travel Holy Grail. I’ve long been scheming to, at bare minimum, 1) stare at Lenin’s waxy mummy, 2) walk on Red Square, 3) see the inside of the Kremlin. The problems is that traveling to and in Russia is not exactly easy. Not known for their hospitality to strangers, the Russians don’t make it simple to get in their country. However, I figured I deserved one of my travel dreams after finishing my degree, so we jumped through the bureaucratic hoops.

On the plane ride, Trum and I watched the flat, forest-covered countryside--stretching endlessly in all directions--zoom by the window. I was reminded how stupid Napoleon and Hitler were to invade it. When we hit the ground, the first thing we did was visit Novodevichy Monastery (where Peter the Great banished his scheming half-sister) and the adjacent cemetery (chuck full of a lot of very famous, dead Russians).

Novodevichy

Nikita Sergeyevich Khruschev i Ya 
(For normal humans: Khrushchev who led Soviet Union during part of the Cold War. Merry)

Boris Yeltsin's Russian Flag Burial Monument

                                                     
                                                                   The Arbat

Next, we strolled the famous, artsy pedestrian street the Arbat, where I finally got to eat some Georgian food, after many vain attempts to do so in Central Asia.

(A guy yelled at me not to take pictures of his art but I did it any way! Take that Russian Artist! Merry)

What's more Russian than a wall of fur hats?

One of the Stalinist-style "Seven Sisters."

The Bolshoi Theater at Night

Red Square and All that Jazz

After so many years of trying to get there, I couldn't believe I was actually on Red Square. As we walked through the Resurrection Gate, the sounds of the Sunday morning services were wafting out of the Kazan Cathedral. We caught our first glimpse of St. Basil's across the square while Orthodox priests were chanting, and the bells of the Kremlin's Spasskaya Tower were ringing. It was like a movie! Merry looked at me and was like, "friggin' Red Square..."
(I think I probably said, "Freakin' ", but yea.)

We had some time to kill before we could get inside St. Basil's Cathedral, so we checked out that great, former-Soviet/now capitalist and incredibly fancy department store GUM.

Trum Marvels at Goose, Rabbit, Pig, and Pheasant Liver Pate

St. Basil's is one of those places that actually gets more impressive the closer you get to it.

Wild Candy-Cane Colors of St. Basil's Interior

The Spasskaya Tower

Kremlin Walls

Guarding Red Square

                                                                 Detsky Mir

After Red Square we hiked up toward Detsky Mir ('Children's World'), the giant kids' store from commie times. Trum saw the life-sized Legos and thought he had died and gone to Lego Valhalla. On the way we ran into Uncle Joe.

Chubby Stalin, and Either a Putin Impersonator, or Someone Who Just Dresses Like Him.

(This whole place is only stores of kids stuff. Toys, clothes, furniture and entertainment. It was awesome!)

Yes, that's Trum with a wooden tommy-gun, and a genuine stuffed brown bear wearing a traditional peasant costume. Best picture of the trip. Only in Russia

Laika and Gagarin?

(For the girl who is spoiled rotten, an insanely expensive princess dress.)

                             The Central Museum of the Armed Forces of the Soviet Union

After a fun lunch of several mayonnaise-coated products at Yolki Palki, we really felt like seeing some Soviet-era military hardware up close.

(By "we" he meant he and Trum wanted to see military hardware up close.)

Trum and a T-34

The Very Flag that Flew over the Reichstag in May 1945

Remains of the U2 the Soviets Shot Down in 1960. Notice the garish red Christmas lights. Yeah, we got it, you shot it down. Way to go Francis Gary Powers.

Trum and an SS-20. He was like, "the warheads aren't on this anymore, right?" I was like, "of course...I hope?"

The Dreaded Mi-24. Just being this close made me feel like C. Thomas Howell waiting to get mowed down.

Who's the President of Russia?

Moscow Metro

Moscow is justly famous for its lavishly decorated metro stations. The evening of our second day we paid brief visits to the most impressive stations, especially on the ring line.

Belarusian Peasants Women Workin' Hard

Vladimir Ilyich

By the end of the night these two were sapped of all life force.

Kremlin

The following day we fought through hordes of Chinese tourists to visit the Kremlin. The treasury has the most sumptuous collection of riches I have probably ever seen. The cathedrals are stuffed to the brim with frescoes, icons, and murals. They are probably all equally amazing, but church fatigue set in after visiting two.

Cathedral of the Dormition and the Ivan the Great bell Tower

I Likes Me Some Onion Domes

Cathedral of the Annunciation

Trum with the Tsar Cannon

Trum with the Tsar Bell

                                                       Muzeon and Gorky Parks

After spending the morning getting jostled by fellow tourists at the Kremlin, we decide we needed some time in a nice open park...full of abandoned commie statuary.

Peter the Great was no Commie, but this statue is apparently quite loathed, and considered an eye-sore.

Me and Trum Having a Laugh as Karl Cracks a Funny

Stalin Losing Some Face

Beautiful Flowers at Gorky Park

Trum and Some Serious Cotton Candy

Trum Has his First, and Last, Taste of Kvas 
(Gross Bread Soda)

World's Biggest Vending Machine?

              That night we decided to go see what Red Square looked like when it was all lit up.

Before the trip people said “Moscow is big, dirty, and the people aren’t friendly.” Well, OK. Sort of true, but that describes every other big city on earth. The BIG part is definitely true. I don’t think the Russians know how to build anything small. I certainly had a good time.